On Stage

When you put things on stage, the words in people's mouths, the action in real bodies in physical space... expect honest emotional reactions to manufactured lines and contrived circumstances...  Sometimes, what seems to work in black and white on a sheaf of paper simply doesn't in the world the play is creating.  It makes the world show its seams where it's been stitched together and is unraveling.  Or it simply crumbles.  Or, one could say, "it's not working."  Which is essentially what the director called me to say last night.  In a kind way, of course.

One scene in particular.  And I'm not telling you which one.

There is the side of me which wants to say, "No. No.  Let me explain it to you and prove to you why it should be the way it is."  But they know a lot more about what works on stage than I do.  And I tried this on the phone... it's not totally effective.  (haha)

There is a side of me which says, "I give up.  I'm new at this.  I don't know a thing about writing plays.  Just leave it.  If I knew how to make it better, don't you think I would have done so in one of the other four drafts?  I don't know how to make it better."  But I don't want to be a quitter.

There's a side of me which says, "Deep breath.  Their suggestions are good.  Just take all of them, fix it the way they want it, and they won't bother you any more."  But I don't want to be a pushover.

There's a side of me which says, "You can't take all of their suggestions simply because they are their suggestions.  This is your play.  Have some artistic integrity."  But I don't want to be an egotistical jerk.

There's a side of me which says, "Whaaaa.  I want my mommy."  But I don't want to be a whiner who doesn't suck it up and get the work done.

There's a side of me, somewhere, which says, "Get at it, Britt.  Make it better.  They're here to help you and your work succeed.  (And they don't want to look like idiots on the stage, so they're pretty motivated to help make it better for their own personal reasons.)  Push yourself.  Dig deep.  Make it better.  You can only do that through listening, working hard, and taking risks.  You trust them and they're trusting you to do better than your best for the script."

So.  That leaves me a holiday weekend full of stewing, examining, stewing, rereading, experimenting and... revising.  Again.

For a stay-at-home mom who doesn't have the time to attend a low residency MFA program, how do I not recognize this as a dream come true?  These are industry professionals with years of experience under their belts devoting their time and energy to my writing.  Is the lesson Be careful what you wish for, it might come true?  No.  The lesson is do the work, your dreams can come true, and when they do, do that work too.